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I had a few coaching sessions with a client about focus and drive. He was having challenges with motivating himself at work. Somehow, he had a conflict of values and found it hard to align with the objectives of his team. He was considering to leave the company and told me he was thinking of himself as a renunciate.

I wrote this email to him about the implications of the word and what I felt about it.

Dear xxx,

We collect beliefs to add to our belief systems. We collect beliefs on how to live from exposure to them. We hear beliefs, see them in action and experience them. We chose and engrain them in ways we think and behave. Beliefs shape our perception of the world and in most cases — form an idea of how it should be.

We chose beliefs, examine them and program ourselves with values that act as our compass. We brand our personality, train our characters aligned with what we think is happiness and success. All beliefs accumulate and become what we call our identities. We chose belief systems fundamentally because it is profitable to us in some way — so we think. We don’t like to question belief systems that enhance our sense of well being but very often, our sense of well being is validating our own point of view.

The beliefs of individual, group and species drive what we do on a daily basis — consciously, unconsciously, subconsciously and genetically. In one sense, belief systems are the DNA of evolution — biologically and metaphysically.

The basic organismic belief system is to survive. The law of natural selection reasons that a species ceases to exist because it basically lost the fight in the survival of the fittest. That another species or a collaboration of factors ended its ability to survive or bring its death on a cataclysmic scale. There is no evidence in recorded history of a species willingly saying no to life as we know it when everything around it is working for them in the general sense of survival.

Human society is made up of different belief systems that have helped us flourish and gain an advantage over threats from other species, forces of nature and belief systems seen to be dangerous and at odds with the belief system endorsed by whomever commanded influence in the social, economic, religious and political system of the time.

Amongst many belief systems that have come and gone, some were more pronounced than others. Those that kept their currency potent changed or evolved to take on elements suited for survival and its ease of fusing with a new host.

Political, economic, social and religious beliefs all share this basic thread of evolution. All of them are connected and none would exist if it were not for the enquiring, loving and hating human mind. Almost all belief systems of the world are a result of a human ideal — a better life (although some are horribly more selfish than others). All advancements in healthcare, economics, science, religion, culture and wealth seek to enrich the human experience.

With all this said, why would renunciation be even a thought to entertain? Why would someone leave all this? Why would someone in this day and age not engage in the ways of society? Work hard and play hard. Dedicate your time, resources and sacrifices to reap rewards of abundance, meaningful relationships, influence, a secure pension plan and happy children. Isn’t renunciation giving up everything?

From how the word is used in both eastern and western literature but more so in Judeo Christian traditions — renunciation implies giving up a worldly pursuit - Like a honey bee throwing the towel at the hive. A renunciate is usually a monk or a nun with vows of celibacy and poverty. A religious word used in religions that men created, sanctioned with the seal of a presumed higher power. There is even a halo of being spiritual associated with the word.

Renunciation is traditionally seen as an act that leads human beings closer to God and farther from society. From a monochromatic perspective, renunciation is understood to be a negation. A negation of life, of family and of the socially accepted ways of using ones life in pursuit of a good life. Seen from this view, renunciation does have elements of withdrawal and running away — sheltering yourself from the effort that is needed to sustain a respectable life and devoting it somewhere else. Since renunciation is a word that is widely taken to portray a physical action, monastic systems everywhere could draw and accumulate people not necessarily inclined to be closer to a spiritual calling. All it takes is a change of clothes and hairstyle to enroll.

To renounce life seems impossible if you look at life as an opportunity and more so when you see the intricate inter-dependencies of it. No one can survive without the value add by another human being and vice-versa. Even the idea or entity of a higher power cannot survive without humans. We cannot renounce life even if we see life as a continuous unceasing set of streamlined problems created just for us. Running away physically for a change in scenery is possible (vacations) but we cannot run away from our own thoughts.

We can ignore our thoughts but they invade our subconscious and shape our attitude and new habits.

So what’s the deal?

A famous renunciate in history is Gautama Buddha. A prince of the Indian subcontinent, born in modern day Nepal around 500 BC. There are two popular ways of telling his life story, prescribed by Buddhists. One group sees him as an ordinary human being with ordinary human experiences prior to being called a Buddha. The other involves a huge leap of faith and sees the same story of the life of the Buddha as acted by an already enlightened Buddha, to show the way of liberation in the form of a human being.

Either way, he was a prince of the Shakya clan. Someone who we presume to be born into luxury with the promise of increasing influence and significance with the coming of age. Someone who probably did not have to worry about how to live his life if he chose the path of being the next king of the Shakyas. He is said to have had a family with a wife and a son. A possessive father who was extremely keen that his son took on running the kingdom after him. He did not choose something he had, but chose to do something he believed in and went after something else. Something other than his role within the palace walls — his identity.

There is no mention of discord or rebellion in the kingdom at the time. No plagues, no droughts nor wars from other rival kingdoms. No cut throat competition from cousins (except the mention of Devadatta shooting a swan with an arrow much to the lament of a young Siddartha), half brothers nor ambitious scheming ministers. No mention of Siddartha being dull, weak in studies nor physically challenged. However, there is a passing record that Siddartha’s mother had passed away when he was a baby and that his aunt brought him up with loving care. The impression of a very capable, intelligent and caring Siddartha emerges from folk lore. Someone who had the IQ and EQ to succeed in anything he chose. Set to actualize his numerous callings with ambitions to lead a family life (Siddartha competes and wins in a competition for his wife — a princess).

Siddartha had everything material and everyone (his father is said to have done everything in his power so that Siddartha was shielded from the sufferings of life) went out of their way not to let dissatisfaction, suffering, pessimism and pain taint Siddartha’s belief of the world. It is extremely interesting to see that later on in his life, his first statement in Varanasi was actually addressing life in relation to suffering - The truth of suffering.

Siddartha is supposed to have gained the state of a Buddha at the age of 32. One can only imagine what kind of an inquiry or conviction drew him to seek a solution to his problem. And for that matter, where his problem or pain come from? Was it his manicured physical surrounding that did not have any hint of decay or impermanence that produced a strong opposite reaction in a questioning mind? Was he in a state of only dealing with mental ups and downs in a system where everything was optimized materially?

Was he not happy with being happy?Did he realize that no amount of ‘the good life’ was enough so long as poverty and the ignorance of how to train your inner being did not compliment material abundance?

It is said that Siddhartha had seen no signs of decay or pain during his youth. However, his few glimpses of pain had occurred during his chariot rides with his charioteer, Chanda. He had seen a face of an old man in a crowd on one such ride and supposedly asked Chanda why the person looked so different. And the story goes of a sick man and that of a corpse. It is also said that Brahma, (the god of creation in the beliefs of the Indian subcontinent) had felt a strong urge that this promising young prince might attain enlightenment and thus changed his appearance to show the prince the facades of aging, sickness and death. It is amusing to think that if this were true, then Brahma being a proponent of Atman was really aiding his nemesis since Gautama was perhaps the greatest speaker of Anatman.

This story of how Siddartha came in contact with aging, sickness and death is told to many but I cannot believe that a young, intelligent and sensitive man could have been so easily fooled. Perhaps the story is symbolic of external sufferings or sufferings of the body. Perhaps the story is a joinder to Siddartha’s perception of suffering in the realization that all human beings — all sentient beings have the same suffering as I. Maybe even a thought that the suffering of all those who live outside the palace walls are exponentially more than mine — inundated with poverty, disease, old age and death.

It is said that Siddartha left his son, his wife, his father, his prince-hood, his influence, his significance, his security, his relationships, his palace and his identity on a moonlit night. I often wonder what he might have thought gazing at his son and wife, comfortably sleeping, unbeknownst of his permanent departure from their lives. Did he feel sorry for his son? Did he feel his responsibility as father and husband to find a prescription for mental happiness and fulfillment? Or did he already have a conversation with his wife before he left? Perhaps an argument or even an agreement. Or did he promise Rahula and Yashodanna to return with a formula or belief system to end all suffering? Was Siddartha overwhelmed by his discovery of pain and suffering and its implications for everyone? Was the inevitability of pain for Rahula, Yashodanna and all the people he knew and the countless to come that made him convinced to do something about it?

Was it his love and compassion and his belief in himself that made him change his identity? To proactively step out of his comfort zone and find a solution to win even though none had done it before?

Discomfort, unsatisfactoriness, depression and mental pain is experienced in so many different forms. Material poverty, lack of health care, lack of education and lack of fundamental human rights is downright suffering which has all of the sufferings associated with mental suffering. However, affluence on the other hand does not promise an absence of mental poverty. In fact, more affluence does not mean less of the above.

We find many variations to these unpleasant sensations but we feel it in the same way — pain. We also know that almost all experiences of pain are preceded by a certain way of thinking and feeling. Aligning our feelings and reasoning towards an expectation of a set result or a preconceived experience. Somehow, a certain experience is not pain if not preceded by a thought or perception (a set of beliefs). It almost works as a couple. A certain perception brings a certain pain. A certain way of thinking which receives and registers an action — mental, verbal and physical. Pain always has a cause but the extremely interesting thing here is that in order to experience mental or emotional pain, there needs to be a receiving attitude or way of thinking that sort of customizes the action to a very personal pain. This is not to say that perpetrators of hate, violence, injustice and cruelty should be tolerated. However, very often, we give permission to be hurt over and over again because we own the pain and see it as a part of our identity, of how things are and should be.

We are confused about the cause of our pain in many instances because we have welcomed the cause and received it with our own attitude. We validate something as good for me — as a friend, as a beautiful thing and welcome it. We even very stubbornly hold losses to comfort ourselves and feel significant with the attention we receive from sympathetic souls — imagined and real. And then there is an unexpected exponential evolution in its identity — it clings on to us and invades our presence, our present and all that we interact with. Ruining relationships, opportunities and even celebrations that life is so full of. We cannot live with it and we cannot live without it. It becomes like a giant energy black hole in our worlds — a pain magnet.

It’s challenging to see how pain is prevalent in our lives because of how we interact with life, not because of it. I assume that we are not the only ones falling into this trap once in a while. There is no where to run and the saddest thing is that if we carry this pain with us, we contaminate all opportunities and joys in the present. Sometimes we get so used to it and start to see it normal to carry and live with this black hole in our minds. The best way to get rid of the this pain, like all problems in life is to know it first. To acknowledge its existence. To acknowledge its size, its muscle, its power — what it is made of. What we are feeding it and how we take care of it.

A friend of mine once told me that after much investigation and somewhat to his disappointment, he realized that his outdated habits and attitude were the source of his immense pain. He found no one else responsible. He tried to find someone to fix it for him but there was no one who could fix it for him. There was no way he could opt out or resign from the job of solving his own problems.

He felt terribly unsuited for the task and kept thinking of an easier solution. He even thought of outsourcing the problem. He thought of saving some money or get a loan from the bank to pay a spiritual handyman to wash his habits and attitude. He joked and said he wanted a karmic painkiller - a feel good soul-booster.

Pain is predictable in our lives when we make no effort in lessening it. Sort of like injustice and chaos. This happens each time we get over a nasty after-taste or hangover but do it again and again because we like or love the first half of the cycle. We get addicted to it. We do the same thing over and over again and yet expect a different result. Worse, we complain about the pain even if we knew it was going to happen. Pain is just around the corner, following us, when we try to escape it with external changes. The moment something triggers a memory or experience, it comes out and sort of paralyses you. You stop being in the present and your presence is impeded. Many of us sedate ourselves with continuous distractions. Unconsciously hoping that the next moment or day will be better — holding on to our beliefs and habits without updating them.

When we hold on to an idea of ourselves that is non changing, we are composing ourselves to be the sum of our experiences. This habit validates our sense of right and wrong even though our perception is subjective to that time, that incident and that emotional content. The sum of our experiences are not us. It only functions to give us a comforting insurance of our intrinsic identity. There is none.

In-spite of this, we keep on telling ourselves, ’Yes you are absolutely the way you feel about yourself’. Think about how easy it is to nurse all our pain receivers lodged in the idea of myself and what’s good for me. If we see this, then we will also see that we are preparing our next moment, next day and next quarter — for more pain.

If we really want to increase focus, drive, productivity and happiness in our lives, renunciation of limiting beliefs and habits is a prerequisite. I am convinced that renunciation is a state of complete conviction to change a set of beliefs and habits. A conviction to rid oneself of pain. A conviction to change habits of interacting with perceptions. A sustained emotional state to eradicate pain and pain receivers irrespective of lifestyle and profession. Renunciation is a relentless drive and focus to succeed.

I look forward to our next appointment.

Conviction leads on to a drive, a discipline and a focus that can lead to innovation and sustained change.